Everything

Everything.

This morning at around 3am I couldn't sleep. I looked at my husband -- who's body & soul I have memorized. Every inch of him, I know. From the place in his hair where his cow-lick is to the tip of his 2nd toe which is much longer than his big one. To the way that one dimple indents so much more than the other when he slips on that grin that makes me melt. I know his body by heart and I see his love in everything he touches. He works his bones dry to provide for our family. He sacrifices sleeping in, evenings, some weekends, and a decent lunch everyday to cater to our family's needs... to provide for our family's future so that our children can go to college, get married, have nice clothes and food on the table... and to allow me to not have to work a '9-5' in an office away from our baby. And he's never complained... not even once. He takes joy in providing for us. And then he comes home. Home --- where he is still rejoicing in our life. He plays energetically with our daughter. He rubs my feet. He tells me how beautiful I look despite not having showered. He kisses my forehead and tells me "I love you"... and that 'he looked forward to coming home to us all day'. How did I -- out of all the other amazing women out there -- get so blessed? I walked across the hall and watched our daughter as she slept. She sleeps like an angel. She's beautiful -- the kind of beautiful that makes people want to stop and tell you that she's stunning. And pleasant -- sweet and curious and easy. But there she was inside her crib, passed out exhausted without a worry. Completely trusting -- completely unaware of any evil that lurks in the world -- outside of the safe nest we've built for her... that one day she'll leave. I pray that she trusts in the Lord -- and that she remembers what we have taught her so that she won't experience as many let-downs and rock-bottoms as a lot of people do. But eventually she will -- and I have to pray and trust that she will be able to reach out to those who love her, to help pull her up by her boot straps and keep truckin'. She laid there completely unaware of all the beauty that shines in this world. The joy that she'll one day find in creation. She'll appreciate it soon. The warm kisses the sun gives when it warms up your skin. The thrill of a flower among the weeds. Mud -- and the fun you can find when you get your hands dirty. Water -- and the way it splashes back when you touch it. The majesty of the waves on the ocean. The kindness of a stranger. The eternal grace and mercy our God provides us with. A family that sacrifices. A smile from someone unexpected. A drive with the windows down on a warm day. The smell of the pines. I can't wait to watch her grow and to watch her love. I can't believe that she's already lived outside of me for half a year. I can't wait from bubbles, hand-made cards, and genuine slobbery kisses. How did I -- out of all the other amazing mommies out there -- get so blessed? 24 years ago I never would have guessed where my life would take me. That my heart would stop thinking about myself and beat for 2 other people so strongly. I'm trusting that God will take my faults and make them beautiful, take my family and use us to bless others, and to take my life and make it HIS. I want to be a woman who is sacrificing, who worships in the storm, who praises in the joy and beauty and who can bear the responsibilities of being a wife of noble character and a mother of wisdom, love and strength. It's a lot of heavy wishing -- but I'm trying my damndest and I know that THAT means something -- and hopefully for the right people -- everything.